todays another day

Sunday.... my least favourite day of all. Why? Because school is tomorrow!

This weekends gone rather well so far though. Yesterday all i had was water, and two apples, and when my mother asked me if i wanted any chocolates? i politly declined, and watched her filling her face with those dreaded chocolate pieces. Today my parents have gone out, so i dont have to worry about making it look like ive eaten.

So far ive eaten an apple, and a biscuit (35cals). I would say im doing well, but the day has barely started, therefore i cant. If i get hungry, i shall have a glass of water, and read some blogs :)

It was my birthday on wednesday, and to be pretty honest, it was rather shite. My parents were talking about my brothers all night, and moaning at me for being on the phone all the time. When actually, it was relatives calling to wish me a happy birthday. My parents put some money towards some GHDs, and gave me some running stuff.
The first week of school is over, and im so happy. School, although im loving it at the moment, is so tiring.
Right now, i just need some drink and a fag :/ but ive quit. so i shant……. ARGHGHGHGHGH. i hate this feeling. you know what? im fed up of wanting to be thin. i just want to be one of those lucky girls who eats shit and stays pretty. im fed up of moaning now :/
instead of ruining my day of dieting, i shall do work.

on an upside, ive done great with my calorie intake this week, ive limited to 500 a day, and on my birthday, i did 600. So not too bad :)

first day of school

today was my first day of year 10. i must say, despite being up at a ridiculous hour, i actually rather enjoyed it. Most of my lessons are in rather small groups, so its nice to have a certain few friends in a class. I have a really close friend who i can tell anything to, and it was great to see her today after a whole summer of not seeing eachother.

Ive been reading some blogs about how jump ropes burn more calories than running, so for my birthday, ive bought myself a jump rope. So i shall be using it on wednesday :)

My mum wants to cook me a special meal for my birthday, but ive persuaded her that there is no need.

Today ive had a 100cal portion of frosties, a marsbar, a packet of crisps, 3 chocolate brioches, 3 snacksize toffee crisps, a mediam portion of pasta and chicken... with added cheese, and a school meal consisting of potatoes, mash, carrots, gravey, and beef.

Good day? i think not -.-

I went to the doctors today after school, and to be honest? i nearly walked out.

They're such twats! They just sit there, moaning about you, and tell you absolutly shit advice.



Look at me rambeling on! I should probably go to bed, ive got school again tomorrow, and ive got PE first lesson! shiiiiit.

Night all! :) Xx

bored.

700cal today. i went abit over what i was hoping for, and im not going to make excuses, because i know it was completly my fault. I hate it when everybody makes up reasons for why it was acceptable to eat a slice of cake, or another chocolate, because its always your own. I over ate, because i got carried away, and didnt stop.

Tomorrow school starts . . . oh joy.
Im slighly excited, yet rather scared too. I cant wait to find out who my form tutors are, and who are my new classmates, but whenever im at school, i eat like a pig, and i hate it!
Ive decided i shall take lots of water to class, and just take a few sips all day, so hopefully i wont get too hungry.

I hate my school. Everybody eats like they're starving all the time, and they're all stick thin. There are a few fat people in my year, and they always moan about how they wish they could be thin, but they cant. Bull Fucking Shit! They just sit eating all day, every day! I mean c'mooon! What do they think will happen? Just magically to burn it all off by walking to get the chocolate cake?

They're fat because they want to be. If they wanted to be thin enough, they would do it. Just as i am.

Keep on going :)

doctors scare me

Today i went to the doctors, to see what was wrong with me, but they werent much help. They just started running tests and ordering me around. I have to go back on monday to see the other doctor. I would of seen her today, but i had a panic attack (i have a phobia of going to the doctors), and then once i'd recovered from that, i had another one. They decided to get me out of the doctors before i got really bad, and had to keep on telling me they weren't going to hurt me, and they werent going to make me do anything i didnt want to.
I am so embarressed!
After the day of bad news from the docs and them telling me i could be seriously ill, i went home and binged.
I now feel as worse as ever.
I can feel the food sitting on my stomach as im laying in my bed. Forcing down my body, ruining all my hard work.

FUCK YOU CALORIES!

School starts next week :/ im not particularly going to enjoy it. Everybody at my school is so god damn thin! it just gets me down! i saw one of my friends pictures on facebook yesterday, and it actually made me cry. her photo made me feel so so fat.

You know those people who are naturally skinny? I hate them! -.- My friend, she eats so much rubbish, and shes so bloody thin!!! She'll sit down, eat 4 donuts, 4 chocolate bars, 2 potnoodles, and sit there, and not have a care in the world about her weight! AAAAARGH. lifes so unfair :(

Today i did terribly with my food. I ate so much rubbish, and i can still feel it in my body. I feel physically repulsed.

I really wish i could feel thin again.

i feel so shit. its only half six, and ive already had over 500 calories today :/

i really feel like im on the verge of going on a binge, so ive trapped myself in my room, with no food... apart from an apple.
Im hoping by the morning, ive realised i dont need all the extra calories, and learn to relax.